Dear Ramon,

Before I left Clark Magnet for the summer, there was this really cute boy that I liked. I’d talk to him everyday in math class. By the end of the year, we really started clicking, but then he moved to the Philippines forever. When I came back to school, I found another boy who looked exactly like him, but I didn’t really like him the way I liked my soul mate  Should I go after him because he reminds me of my homie, or should I stay true to myself and move on?

Love,

Ian Decisive

Dear Miss Decisive,

Math classes are one of the best and worst places to talk to a significant other. As a Clark Magnet student, I will remember math classes at Clark for the rest of my life. In fact, if I could spend the last five minutes of my life anywhere in the world, I’d spend them in a Clark mathematics class, because it feels like an eternity. In math class, you might have learned about the distance formula, which applies to long-term relationships as well. Just like in math class, you have to solve your own distance problems and I’m your teacher.

Think about this, reader. What more are relationships than little chemicals in our bodies forming liquids that get transferred up to our brains and drown us with emotional feelings? What is the math equation for a boyfriend? Can you study for a test that already happened? The answer is no. I can tell by your problem that you are academically proficient and your soul mate probably felt the same way. But just like in a test, you can’t cheat on your soul mate.

Statistically, there are at least five other people in the world that might look exactly like you. But unfortunately, none of them ever feel like you do. Kind of like after you eat Eggo waffles for the first time, the Costco brands don’t feel the same. You want the original and you want Costco to to completely back up. Even the most fancy waffles at a five-star-restaurant with creme and strawberries, served alongside chocolate cake will not satisfy you. The waffle is like the body and looks of a person. Although the waffle brands may look the same on the outside, only one will satisfy fill the hole like the Eggo waffles did. What you do with those waffles is what makes you happy.

Being of male gender, I know that boys are a lot like cats. Just like cats, sometimes we run away from you because we love you, not for any logical reason. Kind of like how boys have been obligated since the beginning of the universe to text first. Like, how annoying is that? Funny little secret, sometimes we mess up the first text on purpose because we love you, and we don’t want to look too perfect.

Use your ears, pay attention to the world around, and you will notice all the beautiful shining examples of the male gender around you. Never give up, never surrender.

– Ramon T.