(February 25, 2010) — When John Doe turned 18, he went to die for his country. He voted because he had a brain. Because he was an adult, and he was living in the essence of freedom. He was living in the Unites States of America. The whole Prohibition thing didn’t work out. It was difficult to persuade John Doe to favor the benefits of moral fascism when the crime rate increased by 24 percent around him. So they created a drinking age, to preserve what they can. When John Doe turned 18, he couldn’t buy beer because it was harmful to his body. He could die in battle, but statistics show that alcohol is unsafe. The government smiled, and the government told John Doe what the statistics meant, because John Doe was a married veteran, and how could he know what those numbers meant? John Doe and his wife decided to have children because he was 18, and the government trusted him to take care of another life. John Doe celebrated a new baby with apple cider, because he was too stupid to drink champagne, and the moralists smiled. John Doe ate chocolate, and he became very, very fat. And he was lifted by a crane because the government forgot to tell him it was bad.