(March 26, 2004) — My little brother attends Verdugo Woodlands Elementary School and brings home cute little assignments like multiplication tables and weekly reading charts… and now political correctness? Yesterday, his second- grade tongue struggled through the hyphenated horror of “African-American.” Already so correct at such a tender age…but where’s the boundary? You’re not “handicapped,” you’re a “person with a disability.” You’re not “blind” or “deaf,” you’re “vision” or “hearing impaired,” respectively. So this begs the question of whether all this tiptoeing around the obvious would be more offensive to the receiver of these titles. There is being politically correct, and then there’s something audacious like calling a Korean kid a “gook.” I use “gook” so plainly because I am one. Had I used another example, I’ll bet I would have been crucified. On crucifixion, it just so happens that I am a Christian, and had I used some other religious term to speculate my plight, I might be stoned. Stoned, as in the common biblical practice carried out to punish supposed evildoers, not as in smoking a joint. Now maybe I’ll get letters from the pissed off and huffy parents who don’t want that kind of thing mentioned. We’ve got to be careful, now. Speaking of being under the influence, one ridiculous Verdugo Woodlands assignment was given for Thanksgiving: parents were to weigh their children before and after Thanksgiving dinner. I myself got a little huffy over it. Now hold it right there, Miss (who can just as easily be a Mister, even though most of them are Misses). What if there exists out there some obscure ethnic custom that forbids holiday gluttony? What if the student lives in the ‘hood, and is too poor to afford a lavish Thanksgiving dinner? What if the student is chubby and sensitive to the mean and very verbal thoughts of the cruel, cruel children he (or she) is surrounded by? And what if the student becomes sensitive upon learning that he (or she) now needs to wear the pants with the elastic waistband? What if PETA comes a-knockin,’ horrified at the notion of slaughtering poultry in motion? What if it’s not kosher!