(November 23, 2004) — How would you like to strap a collar and leash around your parents’ necks, tie them to a fencepost, and run away screaming about how they cant do anything about the insane amount of their money you’re about to spend? Well too bad, because that is currently not possible…legally, at least. Sadly for you, however, putting a control device on minors is indeed a (legal) reality. I recently discovered a new gadget : a GPS locator for kids. Disguised as a bizarrely large, cheap and ugly digital watch, it straps onto a child’s wrist and has an optional security lock so that the kid can’t take it off without deliberately hacking of his or her wrist. Just in case a kid goes missing, the parent can simply press a button and a map of the kid’s exact location pops up out of nowhere. Whoopdeedoo, people, say hello to Big Brother. A logical mind would justify the use of such a tool by saying that child abductions can be prevented if every kid has one of these permanently attached to his or her wrist. Yeah, well, let’s put logic aside for a minute and think a bit more humanely. It makes sense to put a collar on your dog, because dogs are often vicious and sometimes bite the bottoms of unsuspecting little girls. But why on earth would you want to put a machine on your own kid’s wrist and not even allow them to take the dang thing off? Has all trust been eliminated from the face of this earth? Why are parents so worried? What happened to the good ol’ days in Pleasantville when everything and everyone was happy? The answer, my friends, is that it never existed in the first place. People have always been greedy, jealous, and not to be trusted. When we start inventing such ridiculous things such as the GPS locator for children, it’s a sure sign that our suffering is not going to end soon, because people just plain suck.