(January 25, 2005) — As we sauntered from one side of the street to the other, desperately trying to walk in a semi-straight line, my friend Shaniqua (not her real name) and I chortled at the hilarity of the day’s events, many of which weren’t as funny as our warped brains seemed to think they were. Who knew that in a matter of moments, a horrifically mangled “automobile” would drive by, and its terribly disfigured passengers would proceed to launch painfully small projectiles—loose change—at our feet? We sure did. You see, it has become a sort of tradition for that troupe of unattractive hooligans to zoom past every once in a while and catapult anything they can find, all the while giggling madly like a pack of rabid hyenas. They, of course, have the advantage of a car, although, I might add, it isn’t a very good-looking one. But really, people. Do you not agree with me in saying that such random acts of vandalism towards beautiful humans like Shaniqua and yours truly are simply uncalled for and a bit lame? Of course you do! Honestly, is it really necessary to take the time out of one’s day to make the lives of those who—unlike the above-mentioned cretins—choose to delay the widening of their backsides less enjoyable by dumping their useless trash upon their holy heads? According to the bad guys in this story, it is. All I’m saying, dear friends, is that the youth of our generation chooses to spend far too much time planning pointless plots and executing them simply for the seemingly satisfying feeling that someone else’s life was just made that much harder. The world is a crazy place that needs fixing, yet many members of our generation choose to leave us all in shame by playing childish games instead of working towards a legitimate and semi-lit future.