Beginning next week on April 6, a new free dress code policy will go into effect at Clark, resulting from a court case held yesterday in the L.A. District Court. According to administrators, the current Clark dress code violates Section Code 77390: Reasonable Limits of Student Oppression. The court appointed math teachers Fred Blattner and Charles DeVore “to measure the legal limits of a dress code.” Equipped with two TI-89 calculators, Blattner and DeVore promised administrators the strictest possible legal dress code by Friday. However, the two mathematicians are encountering difficulties in limiting free dress. According to Blattner, “the dress code is undefined when x equals Docker/jeans.” “I’ve never seen a function so disturbing,” Blattner said. As a result, the two teachers are more focused on limiting the extent to which the new dress code liberates students. Under Section Code 32488432, “students are allowed to wear jeans of any color, shape and form as long as they do not pose a threat to distract students, curtail education or undermine democratic principles.” DeVore, however, came up with a mathematical derivative to limit the number of holes permitted on a pair of jeans to four. “I aimed for three, but the dictionary definition for ‘distracting’ implies a minimum of four or five.” April Fool’s 🙂