(December 16, 2005) — Do you remember the epic introductory monologue to the 90’s cartoon Captain Planet? Neither do I, but I do distinctly remember something about how The World is in Peril. Though it may have been in the 90’s and though it may have been a cartoon, the world is, in fact, in peril. There are many things that the plague us today: terrorism, the bird flu, AIDS, Paris Hilton, racism, etc. Unfortunately for us teenagers however, we cannot solve these problems by ourselves; we lack both the political clout and the standing in society to properly catalyze the social change that we demand. But, we still want to make a difference. We want our opinions heard. So what do we do? Well, being the helpful civil servant that I am, I have compiled a list to help students “make good choices.” The following list may seem comical and maybe even a bit farfetched, but I assure you, adhering to any one of these laws most likely will increase the average youth’s quality of life, or at least life at Clark. Don’t stop in the halls to acknowledge your friends with a hug. Not only are you taking up valuable space in the already-crowded hallways for people who need to get to class, but chances are you will see your friend again after passing period; most likely at snack, lunch, or even your next period! Don’t cut in line. Yes you want your food NOW, but no, you don’t want to get yelled at by the teacher standing there watching you. Also, underclassmen are just as hungry as upperclassmen, so denying their right to eat just means you don’t consider them people. Girls, stop crowding around the mirror. Don’t get me wrong and think I secretly go into the girls bathroom, but upon asking many a-female about the relevant problems they see, this seems to be a recurrent topic. Apparently, too many girls crowd around and “hog” the bathroom mirrors for makeup application and primping, thus leaving other females from washing their hands after using the bathroom. This is disgusting. Guys, get over you car. Its fun to talk about sometimes, I understand, but making shifter noises while you walk down the halls is not pleasant to listen to. Also, trying to impress girls by taking the “my car has 22’s” route is not a way to get a date. Don’t waste food. No explanation needed here. If you don’t want to finish your food, give it to someone that’s hungry, i.e. me. I sincerely hope that I did not sound too domineering, but keep in mind that if you want change, you have to make it yourself.