(March 1, 2006) — Recently, many a-rumor have been spreading around the greater Glendale area that Jayceon Terrell Taylor lives right here in our vibrant jewel city. Who is Jayceon Terrel Taylor you ask? None other than the tatoo-touting, rap-spewing, G-Unit-hating artist, The Game. Over the past few months, I have noticed countless arguments break out between friends about whether or not The Game actually does live in Glendale. Being the glorious civil servant I am, I decided to set out on a mission. No, not a mission, a quest; a quest to see if the man who wrote such hits as “Church for Thugs,” “How We Do” and “When **** Gets Thick” actually inhabits our fair city. Thus, I set out one fair morning with a close group of colleagues (and by close group of colleagues I mean my bored friend Armen) to places that The Game has reportedly been spotted. First on the list, P.F. Chang’s Chinese restaurant in Burbank. Neither the waiter nor the manager had any recollection of a “Mr. Game” ever eating there. Next stop, The Glendale Galleria. After splitting up to scope out the entire mall, we found nothing. To make things worse, Macy’s was having a sale, and I just happen to get anxiety attacks when surrounded by large groups of rowdy shopaholic soccer moms. My quest was turning up bupkiss. Truth be told, trying to find a chart-topping hip-hop artist who reportedly drives a Bentley, a Dodge Charger, Range Rover, Commander and a chopper in a city full of Mercedes is harder than it sounds. Suddenly, I get a scoop—the hottest lead in town. I call up Armen; he’s too fatigued to pursue the quest any further. Fine with me; a real man works solo. I grab my keys, handy-dandy notepad (a journalist never leaves home without one!) and a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi and drive to the address my source told me. As I pull up to the location, I see them. They’re all there: the Bentley, the Dodge Charger, the Range Rover, the Commander, the chopper. Had my quest finally come to an end? As I sat there in my car, under the sweltering afternoon sun hoping to catch a glimpse of the man that had eluded me thus far, I had an epiphany. Who cares?