(June 19, 2006) — Woodstock 1969 is false. The real Woodstock or a.k.a. “Incident Two” (a reference to the fabled “catastrophe” as told by L. Ron Hubbard) took place July 16, 1972, in Ventura County, California on an off season strawberry grove. This is the conspiracy: All documentaries made of Woodstock are missing a vital key performance that changed the musical minds of the masses, and all who were in attendance were too strung out on LSD (which was supposedly passed out by the FBI) to remember what happened on July 18th at 2 a.m. at stage 3. Martin Scorcese deleted the scenes from his documentary. The disclosed location of the festival was moved to what we now know as Woodstock, NY, and there was a massive anomaly in the fabric of space-time which resulted in the massive chronological discrepancy. What happened that night was something that would have changed the musical world forever. George Clinton, Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Miles and an unknown bassist took the stage in their postpsychedelic rock outfi t they call the LMNOP. They play only two songs, both unknown with one’s possible title “Looking for the Beat (Monsters Under the Bed).” After the second song, George Clinton, in a fi t of frustration with the audience, throws his microphone down and walks off stage. Hendrix will not be seen again until the end of the festival. What happened was not just another group on the lineup. What was exposed was the virtuosity of a rock super group which will never see the light of day and only exists in vaults of acid fl ashbacks. No, just kidding, but that would make a nice premise for a David Lynch fl ick if it had been a bit darker. But the thing here is, that is what dripping the wax is. It’s not about the music, but the possibilities in music and considering, what if something like that did happen? Music is not only how it is delivered but how it is perceived. That’s why I encourage all you little audiophiles to listen to something new, and always appreciate it for what it’s worth. For all you know, the best music you might hear is from LMNOP… …even in dreams.