(June 14, 2007) — The precedent has been put in place by the power of my pen and I shall now peacefully take my place presiding upon the pantheon with those poets who have preceded me. Yet rest assured; my own peril will not mean pandemonium, but perhaps peace. After all the people will follow whatever paltry or perfect precedent I set. I only wish to be a pebble in the pond, creating ripples not problems—using principles not profanity, making predictions not problems, starting prerogatives not prejudice. I am the punisher of poppycock and the paladin of logic. The protagonist of this parable patrolling and making passage bringing precise and perfect purity to my own place—my venerable world. …That means goodbye. But thank God it didn’t go on like that forever. I can’t even see you, but I can already tell your eyes are glazed. But once again, that means the end of our semi-magical, ultra obnoxious journey. And although most of my alliterated spiel was just jargon (it makes sense, but it’s pretty much uncalled for), there is one part that needs to be discussed the most. “… A pebble in the pond, creating ripples, not problem…” If there is any message I can impart to anyone, all two of you who read my column, it’s that. Leave no stone unturned. Look everywhere. Please. Find something and criticize it. Find something and call it poppycock. Call those bluffs—because guaranteed when more start being critical of the “constants” around them, only then will improvement come. It doesn’t matter whether you have an outstanding gift or any gift at all, all you need is a voice: something to rabble with, something to speak out with. So take your voice and use it. All too often you hear the tale of people being silenced unwillingly. Or you hear the tale of voices bring possessed by those without willpower. Yet I say to you, forget any sad story putting you down—make your ears deaf to the sneering and snickering that may come your way. It’s all about the strength of willpower, only with adequate will can you tackle all the poppycock that comes up in today’s cluttered and corrupted world. Often we see images of those without the willpower to do things, and it is this lack of willpower that will ultimately destroy them. For example: long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a young man named Luke Skywalker. His teacher Yoda, wishing to bestow upon him a great deal of knowledge, asked him to enter a dark cave—leaving his weapons behind. Luke, hardheaded and stubborn, brought his weapons along, ultimately leading to his demise. His inability to face fear without any weapon but his mind, that was his mistake. Remember the exploits of the young Jedi, remember that the mind—and the voice are the only tools you need to battle the world around you. Your walking down the street and you notice a cop beating up a pedestrian for no reason—well that’s just the natural order of things. But you then notice an obnoxious middle aged man driving an extremely large truck blasting terrible music: that’s poppycock. Poppycock is all around us, it lurks—some is obvious and some blends into the world around, yet it is up to each and everyone of us to discern and pick our battles. Going up to the officer and yelling, “Yo man, that’s poppycock!” Well, that’ll get you a face full of mace and a nightstick to the stomach. But yelling the same to the man will yield more successful results. I mean, at least if you say something mean you’ll ruin his day. So please, go—go ruffle feathers, and mess up the order of things. It’s your duty, it’s your right. Why let injustices go unchecked? So when you see it, just yell: “POPPYCOCK!” So goodbye, farewell, adieu—to all two of you who actually read this…thanks a lot. It’s been more than a dram being able to speak my mind and write about whatever I want. And geez, if you’re still reading this; and you’ve learned anything from my columns. When you see me in the hallway yell at me, yell at me at the top of your lungs. Because having to read this many words, well that right there is poppycock.